Four Years

 That's how long we've been without Mike.  Amazingly, life goes on but is never the same.  I can now smile at some memories, but others make me cry.  It always takes time to get used to the fact that he's not going to just walk into the room or that I'm not going to hear him yelling out his Jeopardy answers.  

Emily and I had planned a picnic at Mike's Tree in North Bend today, but we began to see yesterday that it wasn't going to be possible because of the air quality.  I'm not even sure if people are allowed outside!  I'm not having any trouble breathing, and it doesn't look horrible, but it's best to stay inside and try to keep the air clean.

We spent 30 minutes or so talking and remembering this morning and trying to think of what we should do instead.  She had to lock herself in her bathroom to get that much time, but it was a nice talk, and I think we both feel better.  When Emily told Ryan she was going to take a picnic to the Tree, Ryan said, "I'm bringing Chinese."  I don't think Emily knew about Mike's Chinese food obsession after he moved here.  He found a restaurant called Got Rice, and about once a week he and Ryan would raid it.  

Ryan and I would be home with the girls while Emily worked long hours establishing the clinic and getting things going while dealing with parents moving to town and two babies.  About once a week, Ryan and Mike would go to Got Rice and come back with bags and bags of different dishes.  They are the only ones who liked it, and they would make it last for days.  I liked the egg rolls, so they would always get me some of those.  They would spread it out on the island, and those little boxes would almost cover it.  

Another memory that creeps in almost every morning is how he loved baking.  Mainly ginger snaps.  He had a mission to create the perfect cookie and was constantly tweaking the recipe, sometimes to the point where he threw them all out and started over.  He bought the king-sized containers of cinnamon and ginger, and I still use the cinnamon almost every morning on oatmeal or breakfast muffins.  I love that big square container and even though I know I should replace it, I probably won't until it loses all flavor.

I miss how much he loved it here.  He never lost his fascination with the scenery, the weather, and especially his family.  I miss our walks.  They never took us very far, and we would stop and examine plants and try to figure out what things were.  We loved going to the coffee shop on the corner and especially the library.  That summer was pretty warm with no air conditioning, and we spent a lot of time on Steller, but when we were home, he was usually sitting there with his coffee reading a book while I also read of worked or my quilt.  Easy happy times.

He loved his little girls and his face showed it.  Every new word and every cute action caused him to just beam.  He loved it when Graysen called him PopPop in her little voice, and I wish he could hear both of them talk about him now.  

I posted a memory on Facebook and the comments...  Oh, my.  So much sweetness, so many good things.  

I'm going to have to do some other things today, but I wanted to post this last set of pictures that Mike took in July 2016.

This little window was the perfect hiding place to capture all those closeups, and he had infinite patience, just standing there and waiting.

Just finding and downloading these pictures made me see so many more that I need to go back and organize and share before I forget them.  

I guess I need to go work on that crossword puzzle and get another cup of coffee.  

I was sent these pictures from "school" this week, or after school, but otherwise have only heard happy things from teacher and students.

I just stepped out to take this picture.  I started to crop it but then thought about how funny that's it's a Saturday, and everyone is home.

There might be an interesting sunset.  I'll see what I can capture.  And try not to worry.  So much to worry and fret about, but I'll head for the sewing room and take it all out on quilts!