One of the main sayings of Susan Pierce Thompson of the Bright Line Eating program is there are days when you just need to forget everything and put on your bunny slippers. I'm thinking my cat socks will have to do.
I'm being very deliberate where I let my thoughts take me today and will just glide right on by the things that worry me, upset me, and even anger me.
The top thing on my mind, whether I glide on past or not, is that today was the day Mike and I got married in 1967. We had 49 years and 2 weeks of that marriage, and it's hard not to have him here every day. I would love to have him here being the voice of reason when my thoughts go to dark places or when I feel hopeless. To make me laugh at myself and at his silliness. Someone to call me Baby even after all those years. Someone who knew what I was thinking, which wasn't always a good thing, but it usually was. Someone to rescue me from having to make decisions and to tease me about my lack of concern about where my livelihood came from. Someone who was so invested in his family above all else and was so proud of us even when we didn't deserve it. Someone to promote every little hobby or interest I had through those 49 years - and there were many - and to always be sure I had exactly what I wanted or needed to make life easier. I miss him every day, and I don't see that changing. We do all miss him, but it's almost like he's there with us even if not in person. The girls are very comfortable talking about him and the little they remember, and that makes me feel so good. We saw a huge dandelion fluff blow past us one day this week, and they both started chasing it and yelling, "PopPop!" Sometimes it's unexpected feathers that drift down. Or rainbows. Or ladybugs. Or anything we want it to be. I'm so thankful for the memories and for the strength that I gained only from spending those 49 years with him.
I thought about looking for another picture of our wedding rather than this overused one, but this is handy and I do believe it is my favorite. I see it every day on my bookshelf, and it keeps me going.
I'm still a little sad, but it feels good to talk about my feelings and just remember.
And laugh about this picture too:
That blackboard in the background. Our church's fellowship hall and Sunday School rooms.
The goofy look of relief we're giving each other that this day is just about over, all the pageantry and pictures and smiling and greeting people, and we were just on the verge of being on our own and doing exactly what we wanted to do for the rest of our lives. And being not a little scared.
That cake! It was a beautiful cake, and we did good. I didn't like the bride and groom figures so chose wedding bells. It didn't fall down. We managed to cut a very nice slice of cake for each other. Neither of us was a smearing the cake in our faces kind of person, thank goodness. I'm not even sure we knew about that. The only problem with the cake is that we had a taste and didn't really like it. We should have had one of our mothers bake it. When we ate the top tier on our first anniversary, it hadn't gotten any better!
I see all of Mama's touches in the picture. This was her crowning moment, this wedding. She loved planning and preparing for weddings and showers and things, and I had almost no interest. She loved her punch bowl and was able to feature it with some sort of yellow punch, I think. She knew what little treats to order for the finger foods. I think I remember little round mints that someone in town made.
All those napkins with our names on them that we used for years because there were so many left over. Mama probably ordered the 500 pack.
My personality in that dress that I loved. I had only one requirement to start with. It could have no lace on it. And I found one that didn't. There were hundreds of embroidered white daisies on it though, all around the bottom and on the train and around those cute little scalloped sleeves. It was perfect for a hot August day, and I loved every one of the little details of it, especially all those covered buttons on the back - because I didn't have to be the one to button them.
Those young faces. Mike had turned 21 the week before, and I would be 21 the next month. That's really young.
My special little celebration today will be going to the library that he loved so much and picking up my books that I have on hold. Wearing a mask. How could we have ever imagined such a thing in 1967. Or even last year. I've saved the Sunday newspaper and will ceremoniously take out the NYT crossword this afternoon and work on that with a cup of coffee. I will chat with him a bit and thank him for being patient with me all those years and for never giving up on me.
My other thoughts today will be on my sweet Graysen. She has to have a procedure to expand her jaw to make room for all her teeth and to keep her tongue from pushing against them. Katherine has to have the same procedure, and she is getting evaluated today. Graysen has known this was happening for two weeks and has been counting down the days on her calendar. Precious girl. I hope it's as special as she thinks it's going to be. My heart just hurts for her and for any discomfort she has to experience. And for her innocence. Knowing that she's going to get a mermaid tail retainer (or something like that) has her so excited she can hardly stand it. I mentioned Tuesday when I left her that I would try to see her the next day, and she said, "Okay, but Mimi, don't forget Thursday I get my expander, and I want you to be there when I get home to see it." Sounds like maybe an ice cream type of afternoon.
All other things I do today, I will be mindful and thankful. Debby and Tom made it through the hurricane last night safely in a Houston apartment with hopefully no damage to their camper.
I've found my Jan, one of my oldest friends that I had lost touch with this year. We're both off Facebook, and that was our main point of communication, but we have been known to write emails that take half a day to read. We just make ourselves a cup or two of coffee and immerse ourselves into each others' lives until we catch up. Right now, we're doing chapters. Yesterday we covered our constant surprise at not being able to do things like we did when we were 16 or 30 or 60. Who knows what we will discover about each other today.
I'm thankful for my new friends that I have discovered recently and for the old ones that I've reconnected with. And the ones that have just always been there for me. They make me smile and even cry sometimes, but they keep me grounded and connected. For my family, of course, and the pleasure of seeing The Binderts for a few days.
I'm trying to think of other things that will bring me joy today (besides a nap), and I'll do only those things.
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