Trying for Better

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with this oppressive feeling that something is so wrong, and I can't think what it is.  I've been examining the things that surround me the past few days and deciding to eliminate the things I can to keep my spirits up and keeping the ones that do.

One thing that I've noticed over the years is that I'm more and more able to remove people from my life that make me unhappy.  I guess that's one of the benefits of getting older.

This is my blog and I'm able to say what I want to say without anyone feeling like they need to correct me or post comments.  It's all my opinion and gives me a chance to vent all over the place.

I've been contemplating ridding myself of Facebook because no matter how many people I unfriend or how many people I block notifications from, every day I am forced to see yet another example of divisive political drivel and pure hatred.  I don't read the articles, but I see where they're coming from, and people who listen to or believe these things - I'm just not sure I want to know them.  There is one person I use to know who posts lovely uplifting messages, Biblical and otherwise - but then right after that will post some unresearched piece of political propaganda that makes me wonder if I ever knew that person.  I've seen the term "alternative universe" lately, and that's where I think I've been waking up every morning.

The one thing that keeps me on Facebook is the groups I follow - chosen by me for things I'm interested in and things that lift my spirits instead of bring them down.

I read this last night, and it brings tears to my eyes.  It's a private Snoqualmie Ridge group, and I love scanning it every day to see what's happening in our little community.  It's a community made up of all sorts of people from all over the country, but the overwhelming sense I get is kindness and caring.  This was a post from a single person:

What is one thing you NEED that you cannot afford right now? 🤔 Let’s check and see what others say. Maybe you have it and don’t need it or have a connection to get it. ♥️ (I saw this on another community page and it was amazing some of the kindness that was shown.) Have a great day and happy holidays!

No Selling, if you’re offering something on here to someone it means you’re GIVING it to them for FREE!

This is the Christmas spirit. Let's all band together to make our neighbor's holidays much better. 🤗

What's amazing is that not only did it start out to be a few people who needed particular things and a few jokes - like wisdom teeth removed  - but people started listing things they had that they were willing to give away.  Household goods, services, food, a car, appliances.  I've seen baby beds, couches, a dryer, numerous articles of clothing, several TVs.  Lots of people are getting things for Christmas and making room.  So far there are over 300 posts, and it just makes my heart feel so light.  There are more giveaways than requests.  I took two carloads of toys and clothing and household things from our garage and Emily and Ryan's to donate this weekend, so I'm down to just what I need, but it's a lot more fun to fill a real person's request.  I wish I had more.  I might have to part with my spare vacuum cleaner if that request doesn't get filled.

And the one good thing is that I don't have anything that I need, and that is such a blessing.  I need a car, but that's a topic for another day and only emphasizes my laziness.  It's been a full year since my accident, and I still haven't taken the time to find out what kind of car I want and go look for it.  I guess I'm waiting for my car to give out one day and be forced to buy one abruptly.  I think I'm too sentimental about this vehicle and don't want to give it up and have to learn new things.

So, I'm keeping my Facebook groups and taking a break from all notifications or just mindlessly scrolling.  I'll go there and choose from my menu of good people and happy people and let the drama happen without my having to be deflated before my day even starts.

I'm going to keep reading emails from my lovely friends and family and doing my best to answer them.  But knowing they'll understand if I'm slow.

I'm going to continue to enjoy phone conversations with people who make me laugh and love me for who I am.

I'm going to arrive to take my babies to school with a smile and hugs and positive thoughts without too much prodding for hurrying.  I will also pick them up after school and spend one-on-one time with them, reading to them, making cookies, even getting out the clay like they've been begging me to do.  Clay, paints, glue - ugh - not my best side.

I'm going to stack up my books to read and choose only ones that make me happy, including the Bible, and saving those deep and thought-provoking ones for later - or maybe never.

I'm going to try to let my daughters get me started on meditation.  My mind is much too full of stuff to have that work for me, but they swear it will help me - so once again I'm going to try.

I feel better already.  I'm up early.  I've had one cup of Holiday Blend coffee - extra good in a Christmas cup at 5:00 a.m.  (It's empty.  I'm not stupid enough to endanger my super-duper new giant computer.)

I'm warm.  I'm loved.  I have people I love.  I'd like to have a puppy to snuggle - but only briefly.

 I love having a place where I can get rid of my feelings and not have to keep worrying over them constantly.  So much good and beauty in the world.